Parental Intelligence is basically swapping the drill-sergeant hat for a detective hat: “What is this behavior trying to tell me?” vs. “How do I make it stop?” It pairs nicely with authoritative/gentle parenting and Ross Greene’s “kids do well if they can,” and contrasts with pure behaviorism (charts, stickers, whack-a-mole consequences). You still keep boundaries; you just get curious before you clamp down.
Quick ways to use it without turning bedtime into a TED Talk:
- Triage: Is anyone unsafe? If yes, act; if no, get curious. De-escalate now, decode later.
- Curiosity sandwich: Validate (“You’re furious the tablet’s off”), wonder (“Was it the surprise or the game cliffhanger?”), invite (“Want a 2-minute warning next time?”).
- HALT check: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired explains 80% of small human chaos.
- Micro-scripts: “Throwing tells me something was too big. Was it my ‘no’ or the tower crash?” Offer a do-over or calm tool.
- Pattern spotting: Jot 3-day notes on triggers and timing; pretend you’re running a tiny lab, minus the lab coat and with more applesauce on your shirt.
- Plan B problem-solving (for older kids): “What’s the hard part about starting homework?” Brainstorm supports; keep limits (“Homework happens, we can tweak how”).
- After-action huddle: When calm, replay what went down and name the skill to build next time.
Caveat: It’s slower upfront, but you spend less time later playing CSI: Toddler Unit.
