I just tried something that feels like a real “good parenting skill” upgrade and I’m buzzing: a family Repair Menu. Instead of “say sorry” and move on, we pause, name the impact, and our kid picks a repair from a menu we co-created. The shift from blame to problem-solving was wild-the temperature drops faster, and they seem more invested in making things right.
Some early menu items we’re testing:
- Redo: try the same moment again with a calmer tone or different words
- Replace/restore: fix or help fix what broke, or offer a meaningful substitute
- Relationship repair: 5 minutes of special time, cooperative play, or a kind note
- Future-proofing: make a tiny plan to prevent a repeat (e.g., set a timer, create a “tap-out” signal)
- Community care: contribute to the shared space (reset the shoe rack, water plants) when the mess/impact was communal
A few questions where I’d love your brains:
- How do you keep this from becoming “pay-to-misbehave”? Any rules or framing that preserve accountability without turning it transactional?
- Calibrating to age: what works for preschoolers vs. tweens/teens? Do you let older kids propose custom repairs?
- Siblings: tips to prevent “weaponized repair” (“You owe me a Lego build now!”). Do you let the harmed person choose from the menu, or does the one repairing choose?
- Neurodivergent kiddos: has a visual menu, limited choices, or a “cooldown first, choose later” flow helped? What wording/images landed?
- Parent modeling: do you put yourself on the menu too and let kids request a repair when you blow it? How do you keep power balanced but safe?
- Frequency and fatigue: what’s a healthy cadence? If repairs pile up, do you bundle them, scale them, or pause the system?
- Teaching when calm: has anyone done “repair rehearsals” during neutral times so the pathways are ready in the heat of the moment?
If you’ve tried a version of this, what menu items were surprisingly effective (or backfired)? Bonus points for tiny, concrete examples I can add to our board.
